In My Weakness
For years, I lived a spiritually complacent life. Old church wounds kept me away from both church and the Bible, but I didn’t realize how spiritually asleep I’d become until my everyday world was completely disrupted. I went from taking long walks on Carmel Beach to being completely bedridden in the span of a month.
In January 2021, while dropping our daughter off at college, my husband and I contracted Covid. His symptoms were mild, but mine became debilitating. My heart rate would spike to 200 bpm for no reason, my body would start to shake, and I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs. At times, a fog would settle over my brain. I’m a native Californian, yet I could hardly stand the sunlight, noise, or heat. Even riding in a car became impossible due to the vibrations.
After multiple trips to the emergency room and countless tests with no answers, uncertainty and fear started to consume me. I felt trapped inside my failing body, my independence stripped away. My husband had to prepare my meals, help me in and out of bed, and push me room to room in a wheelchair.
In my desperation, I turned to prayer, realizing it was something I could do, even stuck in my bed. Eventually, the diagnosis came back as suspected— long Covid. I devoured every article I could find on the condition, but the more I read, the more hopeless I felt. There were thousands of people like me, but no known treatment.
One night, I kept jolting awake whenever I managed to doze off, my heart pounding and body buzzing. I felt on the brink of a heart attack.
In January 2021, while dropping our daughter off at college, my husband and I contracted Covid. His symptoms were mild, but mine became debilitating. My heart rate would spike to 200 bpm for no reason, my body would start to shake, and I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs. At times, a fog would settle over my brain. I’m a native Californian, yet I could hardly stand the sunlight, noise, or heat. Even riding in a car became impossible due to the vibrations.
After multiple trips to the emergency room and countless tests with no answers, uncertainty and fear started to consume me. I felt trapped inside my failing body, my independence stripped away. My husband had to prepare my meals, help me in and out of bed, and push me room to room in a wheelchair.
In my desperation, I turned to prayer, realizing it was something I could do, even stuck in my bed. Eventually, the diagnosis came back as suspected— long Covid. I devoured every article I could find on the condition, but the more I read, the more hopeless I felt. There were thousands of people like me, but no known treatment.
One night, I kept jolting awake whenever I managed to doze off, my heart pounding and body buzzing. I felt on the brink of a heart attack.
It was then I heard the Lord whisper, “Do you trust me?”
Hesitant, I paused, before answering, “Yes.”
“Do you trust me with your life?”
I closed my eyes. As long as I was with him, I could accept whatever fate lay ahead. I fully surrendered and the Lord’s peace filled me—a peace that for the first time in my life really did surpass understanding. From then on, I thanked God, even in my pain, for his presence in my life, even as I experienced new seizure-like episodes.
In one of those episodes, I instinctively reached for my husband. But I heard God say, “Me first.” My Father and Comforter was teaching me to rely on him above all. I felt his hand reach toward me, and I grasped it, recommitting my life to him. I haven’t let go since.
My husband, who initially watched in disbelief as I worshiped and prayed, became curious, asking questions about God’s voice and salvation. He couldn’t deny the peace and joy I had. He started praying with me, keeping a gratitude list, and joining my nightly worship and weekly online small group. He wanted to know who my God was. Seeing that I treated him with more respect and gentleness, he began to trust what God was doing in my life.
As we prayed together one night in our bedroom, I had a vision of my husband no longer trailing behind me spiritually but standing beside me. I opened my eyes to see tears on his face.
“I’ve committed my life to Christ,” he said.
His words filled me with such relief and joy as I hugged him. I’d known it was just a matter of God’s timing. Together, we prayed for a hunger and thirst for God all the days of our lives and that our individual walks would continue to grow and our marriage would be stripped of the things we built in survival and instead be reconstructed God’s way.
It was a turning point for our family. My parents, siblings, and daughter soon all experienced revival, and for the first time in decades, I studied God’s Word regularly. He reawakened my soul.
In January 2022, when I contracted Covid again, you would’ve thought I’d be devastated. Instead, I asked God what I needed to learn from this illness, remembering James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…” (ESV).
I can look back now and see how in my weakness, God was strengthening me spiritually beyond anything I could have imagined. I was accepted, after multiple attempts, into a Stanford clinical trial for long Covid, and I stopped begging for my body to be healed and asked God to use me.
One day, I heard the worship song on social media: “Too Good To Not Believe” by Brandon Lake. Discovering that he attended Seacoast Church, I decided to check it out online, maybe find a gentle reentry into church life. Not long afterward, my family and I were regularly watching online, and I was invited to join Seacoast’s Online Campus’ Dream Team of volunteers. Though I had never physically attended Seacoast, I was welcomed as family and offered a way to serve from right where I was—in my bed on the other side of the country.
I felt unqualified, but decided obedience mattered more than confidence.
My sister, knowing the impact that Brandon’s song had on me, surprised me with tickets to his concert in Sacramento. I was both thrilled and afraid to go, worried about needing a wheelchair and being overstimulated by the lights and noise. But I sensed God’s assurance that I should.
“I felt unqualified, but decided obedience mattered more than confidence.”
To my amazement, I was able to stand and sing, and at the end of the concert, I felt prompted to wait for Joshua Silverberg, who was touring with Brandon and was known for his healing prayers. As he prayed over me, something deep within me stirred. “Let it out,” he encouraged, obviously sensing it, too. After a moment, something broke free inside me and an incredible energy filled my body.
The next morning, I got out of bed on my own.
I dressed myself.
I walked without assistance. For the first time in over a year.
Hesitant, I paused, before answering, “Yes.”
“Do you trust me with your life?”
I closed my eyes. As long as I was with him, I could accept whatever fate lay ahead. I fully surrendered and the Lord’s peace filled me—a peace that for the first time in my life really did surpass understanding. From then on, I thanked God, even in my pain, for his presence in my life, even as I experienced new seizure-like episodes.
In one of those episodes, I instinctively reached for my husband. But I heard God say, “Me first.” My Father and Comforter was teaching me to rely on him above all. I felt his hand reach toward me, and I grasped it, recommitting my life to him. I haven’t let go since.
My husband, who initially watched in disbelief as I worshiped and prayed, became curious, asking questions about God’s voice and salvation. He couldn’t deny the peace and joy I had. He started praying with me, keeping a gratitude list, and joining my nightly worship and weekly online small group. He wanted to know who my God was. Seeing that I treated him with more respect and gentleness, he began to trust what God was doing in my life.
As we prayed together one night in our bedroom, I had a vision of my husband no longer trailing behind me spiritually but standing beside me. I opened my eyes to see tears on his face.
“I’ve committed my life to Christ,” he said.
His words filled me with such relief and joy as I hugged him. I’d known it was just a matter of God’s timing. Together, we prayed for a hunger and thirst for God all the days of our lives and that our individual walks would continue to grow and our marriage would be stripped of the things we built in survival and instead be reconstructed God’s way.
It was a turning point for our family. My parents, siblings, and daughter soon all experienced revival, and for the first time in decades, I studied God’s Word regularly. He reawakened my soul.
In January 2022, when I contracted Covid again, you would’ve thought I’d be devastated. Instead, I asked God what I needed to learn from this illness, remembering James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds…” (ESV).
I can look back now and see how in my weakness, God was strengthening me spiritually beyond anything I could have imagined. I was accepted, after multiple attempts, into a Stanford clinical trial for long Covid, and I stopped begging for my body to be healed and asked God to use me.
One day, I heard the worship song on social media: “Too Good To Not Believe” by Brandon Lake. Discovering that he attended Seacoast Church, I decided to check it out online, maybe find a gentle reentry into church life. Not long afterward, my family and I were regularly watching online, and I was invited to join Seacoast’s Online Campus’ Dream Team of volunteers. Though I had never physically attended Seacoast, I was welcomed as family and offered a way to serve from right where I was—in my bed on the other side of the country.
I felt unqualified, but decided obedience mattered more than confidence.
My sister, knowing the impact that Brandon’s song had on me, surprised me with tickets to his concert in Sacramento. I was both thrilled and afraid to go, worried about needing a wheelchair and being overstimulated by the lights and noise. But I sensed God’s assurance that I should.
“I felt unqualified, but decided obedience mattered more than confidence.”
To my amazement, I was able to stand and sing, and at the end of the concert, I felt prompted to wait for Joshua Silverberg, who was touring with Brandon and was known for his healing prayers. As he prayed over me, something deep within me stirred. “Let it out,” he encouraged, obviously sensing it, too. After a moment, something broke free inside me and an incredible energy filled my body.
The next morning, I got out of bed on my own.
I dressed myself.
I walked without assistance. For the first time in over a year.
I heard God’s gentle voice then. “Yes, my daughter. I pulled the active virus from your system and will continue healing the damage.” All I could do was weep in awe.
That evening, I walked two miles. My Stanford neurologist, stunned, said he couldn’t document it as a miracle, but I was the first patient in their study to fully recover. I’m documenting it as a miracle! I was healed.
And God didn’t stop there. He has done an incredible rebuilding of our marriage. This year, my husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary, and we are stronger and more joyful than ever. God has taught us to actively practice and walk out our faith, to dream again—together. Through our weaknesses, God created something miraculously beautiful and full of purpose.
That evening, I walked two miles. My Stanford neurologist, stunned, said he couldn’t document it as a miracle, but I was the first patient in their study to fully recover. I’m documenting it as a miracle! I was healed.
And God didn’t stop there. He has done an incredible rebuilding of our marriage. This year, my husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary, and we are stronger and more joyful than ever. God has taught us to actively practice and walk out our faith, to dream again—together. Through our weaknesses, God created something miraculously beautiful and full of purpose.
